Monday, October 31, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
When the doctor says: "One of several things could cause your symptoms."
What the doctor means: "I haven't the foggiest idea what's wrong with you."

When the doctor says: "Are you certain you haven't had this before?"
What the doctor means: "Because now you've got it again."

When the doctor says: "I'd like to run that last test over."
What the doctor means: "The lab lost your sample."

When the doctor says: "This prescription has a few side effects."
What the doctor means: "You may experience sudden hair growth on your palms."

When the doctor says: "Your insurance should cover most of this."
What the doctor means: "You'll have to sell your house to cover the rest."

When the doctor says: "Let's go over your symptoms once more."
What the doctor means: "I can't remember who you are."

When the doctor says: "How long have you had these symptoms?"
What the doctor means: "How do you feel about living with them the rest of your life?"

When the doctor says: "It looks like bursitis."
What the doctor means: "Does the name "Quasimodo" ring a bell?"

When the doctor says: "This won't hurt much."
What the doctor means: "Did you bring a bullet to bite?"

When the doctor says: "There's a lot of this going around."
What the doctor means: "And we'll give it a name as soon as we figure out what it is."

When the doctor says: "We'll just remove this ingrown toenail."
What the doctor means: "A cane and orthopedic shoes should help."

Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

On-line Dating  ||  Crazy T-Shirts

Jokes for your Websites  ||  Sex Dating

Friday, October 28, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van (you know, shag carpets, big double mattress in the back... all that) when suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"

The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.

The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks "Did you get these marks having sex?" The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that, yes, she did. Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."

On-line Dating  ||  Funny T-Shirts

Handcrafted Wood Pens

Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

Put Jokes on your Websites  ||  Adult Dating

Thursday, October 27, 2011

i need a business partner from Asia

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
I saw this man the other day with a penguin, he was looking sad. I asked him what he was doing with a penguin and he said that he had found it. I told him to take it to the Zoo. And with that he left.

I saw him again this morning he was still with the penguin, this time with a smile on his face. I asked him about the penguin and if he had taken it to the Zoo.

He said, "Yes I did that yesterday, today we are going to the theater."

Handmade Wood Gifts

Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts!

Funny T-Shirts  ||  On-line Dating

Jokes for Websites  ||  Adult Dating

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Randy Becomes Broadway's Biggest Fan in an ALL NEW Episode Tonight @ 10:30/9:30c

Having trouble viewing this message Click here.  Or Visit The Comedy Central Mobile Site here.
SOUTH PARK 15 YEAR OF THE FAN
New Episodes WED 10/9c on Comedy Central
SEND TO A FRIEND
Watch Full Episodes >
NEW EPISODE: Broadway Bro Dowm
PREVIEW - on Broadway
South Park YEAR FAN
TERNORMAN'S REVENGE
Follow us: facebook twitter
Never miss a new South Park! Text SOUTHPARK to 44686 (standard message rates apply)
View our Privacy Policy Unsubscribe Comedy Central | 1775 Broadway | New York, New York  10019               Copyright 1995 - 2011  Comedy Central

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don’t know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don’t tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don’t say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says,
"Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

Handmade Wood Gifts

Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts!

Funny T-Shirts  ||  On-line Dating

Jokes for Websites  ||  Adult Dating

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...

After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"

Handmade Wood Gifts

Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts!

Funny T-Shirts  ||  On-line Dating

Jokes for Websites  ||  Adult Dating

Monday, October 24, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
A man lost both ears in an accident. No local plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good doctor in Sweden and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "Yes, I can perform the operation."

After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You swine, you gave me a woman's ears!"

"Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."

"But you're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"

Handmade Wood Gifts

Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts!

Funny T-Shirts  ||  On-line Dating

Jokes for Websites  ||  Adult Dating

Friday, October 21, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother".

Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

On-line Dating  ||  Crazy T-Shirts

Jokes for your Websites  ||  Sex Dating

re



Thursday, October 20, 2011

Funny Jokes Blog

Funny Jokes Blog


Car Accident

Posted: 20 Oct 2011 06:29 AM PDT


A man and a woman got into a car accident. Their cars got 


totally demolished but luckily both of them were all right.


After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says,"wow! 


Look at the cars they're totaled! But luckily we both dint even 


get a scratch! This is a sign that we should become friends 


and not try to pin the blame on each other.


Man," I totally agree wit u."


The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says," that 


bottle survived the crash just like us, I think its a sign from 


him. We should open it and celebrate our new found 


friendship wit it.."


She then hands the bottle to the man. He nods his head and 


because of the nerve-wrecking accident he chugs about a 


third of the bottle.. He hands it back to the woman, who 


immediately puts the cap back on and hands it back to the 


man.


Man,"aren't u having any?"


The woman replies," no I think ill just wait for the police;)

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
FOUR GHOSTS OF THE WHITE HOUSE

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

On-line Dating  ||  Crazy T-Shirts

Jokes for your Websites  ||  Sex Dating

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Int'l Mini-MBA Program at Makati Shangri-La Hotel, Makati City on October 22 - December 10, 2011

Want to be a Recognized Global Business Administrator?

DMCA

Business Education

15th Chartered Business Administrator

(CBA) Mini MBA Program

 

Makati Shangri-La Hotel

October 22, 29, November 05, 12, 19, 26

& December 03, & 10, 2011

Course Syllabus:

 

The course will run through 8 consecutive Saturdays with in-depth discussions and lectures on the following topics:

 

· Human Resources Management

 

· Marketing

 

· Accounting and Finance

 

· Information Technology

 

· Leadership

 

· Strategic Management

   (General Management)

 

Lecturers are from the academe with International MBAs and successful business practitioners.

As management of financial statements are entrusted to Certified Public Accountants (CPA), health practices to Medical Doctors (MD), businesses and companies should be entrusted to competent business professionals. 

Ever wondered which qualification is  for business owners and managers like you?

Chartered Business Administrator (CBA) is a management certification given to qualified individuals competent in the fields of Management of the General Organization, Human Resources, Marketing, IT, Accounting and Finance.

The CBA certification is designed to validate one's skills in business management.  Recognized worldwide, the certification is upheld by the Chartered Association of Business Administrators (CABA), based in Canada whose mission is to raise competency in the field of management and business administration through certifications and code of ethics.

Benefits of Being a CBA

 

After the course, the participant who successfully meets the CBA eligibility requirements at the end of the program will enjoy the following:

 

· Worldwide Recognition: Professional letters CBA after the name, signifying achievement of globally recognized certification.

 

· Membership certificate sealed by the Chartered Association of Business Administrators of Canada

 

· Access to the "Members Only" section on the Institute's web site.

 

· Regional Meetings

 

· CPD (Continuing Professional Development) seminars

 

· Referral of Job Placement

Who do you want to be?

Certification validates a standard of acquired knowledge and skill, which  distinguishes professional managers from the regular.  

 

Being a CBA validates that you have the competency to manage and run a business. Whether you're an entrepreneur thinking of putting up your own firm or a manager climbing the corporate ladder, upgrade your business practice and career by getting a CBA Certification.

What are they saying about the program?

 

The program delivered as promised.  Its a mini MBA-program which gave me practical knowledge and skills as well as application of various management theories and principles

in the fields of human resource management, IT, marketing, economics, finances and etc. The speakers were outstanding both in their experience and knowledge as well as in their facilitating skills.

 

Amy Ann Cordero

HR Manager

San Miguel Yamamura Packaging Corporation

 

 

It is indeed a very fruitful program attending the CBA for a Business Owner like me. The program is easy to understand and Resource Persons are using the practical approach in the  discussion. This program will also helps us enhance our managerial skills and decision making. Taking this program is a sure ROI in  your tuition investment. I recommend this Program!

 

Rafael Chico

President

Interlink Manpower Dev. & Gen. Serv., Inc.

 

 

The CBA program was just an opportunity I cannot ignore.  The set-up is perfect for working professionals who are not able to commit to a full MBA load, but are more than interested to learn about the fundamentals of management.  The seminars are often a unique mélange of professors and insightful sessions that do not just offer theoretical but also experiential points.  You not only gain knowledge but friends too that make the learning process all the more meaningful.

 

Marcelle Jonil Guanzon

Executive Vice President

Cinemasters Productions

 

 

I am very satisfied with the breadth and depth of the course. It has done 2 things for me, it provided guidance using current managerial practices and, during the last sessions, direction on how to become a noble leader. Though I have attended several leadership classes and have gone through several leadership books, I lacked the skills aspect. Which, I believe, is equally important with that of intent. This short "fast food" course gave me enough of those skills to be a better leader/manager.

 

Florito Dennis Vicente

SPML R&D Department Manager

Sun Power Phils. Mfg. Ltd

Who Should Attend?

 

Those involved or would soon be involved

in decision making processes in management, finance, marketing, human resource development, academics, government, personal business and non-profit organizations.

Continue Mastering Business with us with OUR NUMBERS AND MANAGEMENT SERIES

 

* Business Accounting and Tax

  (November 05, 12, 19, & 26, 2011)

 

* Managerial Accounting

  (September 03, 10, 17, & 24, 2011)

 

* Basics in Finance and Investment

  (October 22 and 29, 2011)

 

* Human Resource Management

  (October 01, 2011)

CBA Program Batch 13

Click Here to Enlarge Photo

Media Partner:

Be a global business leader NOW. Let us prepare YOU.

Contact us to reserve a slot.

For inquiries: Please call us at: 840.3903 / 817.7036 / 310.4166

Or you can email us at: business@dmcasia.net

And you can visit us at: www.dmcasia.net

If you no longer wish to receive emails  from us, kindly click here: Remove

Gossip Runs Rampant at South Park Elementary in an All New Episode Tonight @ 10/9c

Having trouble viewing this message Click here.  Or Visit The Comedy Central Mobile Site here.
SOUTH PARK 15 YEAR OF THE FAN
New Episodes WED 10/9c on Comedy Central
SEND TO A FRIEND
Watch Full Episodes >
NEW EPISODE: Bass to Mouth
PREVIEW - How do you Know?
South Park YEAR FAN
DEAD KENNY
Follow us: facebook twitter
Never miss a new South Park! Text SOUTHPARK to 44686 (standard message rates apply)
View our Privacy Policy Unsubscribe Comedy Central | 1775 Broadway | New York, New York  10019               Copyright 1995 - 2011  Comedy Central

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
Two girls are in a elevator. The elevator door opens and a good looking guy comes in. One girl is completely attracted to him and the other is also, but notices that he has dandruff. So the girls both smile at each other acknowledging to each other that they think he's fine.

Then one of the girls turns to the other and says quietly "He needs 'Head & Shoulders'"

The other girl says, "Yeah I know, but how do you give shoulders?"

Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

On-line Dating  ||  Crazy T-Shirts

Jokes for your Websites  ||  Sex Dating

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.

Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

On-line Dating  ||  Crazy T-Shirts

Jokes for your Websites  ||  Sex Dating

Monday, October 17, 2011

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating.
Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to!
Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly!
Funny Joke Rating New Jokes.
While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched."

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, "What would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp, too."

Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts!

On-line Dating  ||  Crazy T-Shirts

Jokes for your Websites  ||  Sex Dating