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Friday, December 3, 2010

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A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

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Thursday, December 2, 2010

Its All Humor

Good Advices

Posted: 01 Dec 2010 07:54 PM PST

A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He's riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house.

While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.

They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man!

Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man's head.

Just then, his wife yells "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…"
HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
HE paid for our our lake house and boat.
HE paid for your country club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks "What should I do?"

The taxi driver replies, "I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold."

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A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

Short Funny Jokes

Really Funny Jokes - A man walking along.....

Posted: 01 Dec 2010 09:41 AM PST

A man walking along the street of a village stepped into a hole in the sidewalk and broke his leg. He engaged a famous lawyer, brought suit against the village for one thousand dollars and won the case. The city appealed to the Supreme Court, but again the great lawyer won.

After the claim was settled the lawyer sent for his client and handed him one dollar.

"What's this?" asked the man.

"That's your damages, after taking out my fee, the cost of appeal and other expenses," replied the counsel.

The man looked at the dollar, turned it over and carefully scanned the other side. Then looked up at the lawyer and said: "What's the matter with this dollar? Is it counterfeit?"