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| "You know you’re Over the Hill When..." · You find yourself beginning to like accordion music. · You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs. · Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life. · You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose. · You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order. · You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Cumbaya. · You keep repeating yourself. · You start videotaping daytime game shows. · At the airport, they ask to check your bags...and you're not carrying any luggage. · You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé. · Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time. · At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough. · Your new easy chair has more options than your car. · When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out. · One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle. · Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments." · You keep repeating yourself. · It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump. · You discover the words, "whippersnapper," "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary. · You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker. · You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..." · You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. · You look both ways before crossing a room. · Your social security number only has three digits. · You keep repeating yourself. · You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity. · You go to a Garden Party and you're mainly interested in the garden. · You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep. · The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed." · At parties you attend, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice. · You start beating everyone else at trivia games. · You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost. · Your back goes out more than you do. · You keep repeating yourself. · Cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD. · You refer to your $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi." · You make it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town. · You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up. · Your childhood toys are now in a museum. · Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion. · The clothes you've put away until they come back in style...come back in style. · All of your favorite movies are now revised in color. · The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique. · You keep repeating yourself. · You find this list tasteless and insensitive. If My Body Were a Car If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood! Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation? My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires | ||
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