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| Excuses * I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad. * A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again. * Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him. Unfortunately, my homework drowned. * Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing. * I'm not at liberty to say why. * I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me. * It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. You don't want to know the details. * I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy. * I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked. * My mom used it as a dryer sheet. * My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized. * It's against my religion to do any homework. * I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays. * I felt it wasn't challenging enough. * My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night. Don't worry, they have been suitably punished. * We had homework?! * I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is "blah, blah, blah." * I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload. * I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers. The $5,000,000 Question The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic. "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $5,000,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?" Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week. "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?" Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe. "I'll try the easier part first." The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half." The audience silenced with gross anticipation: "Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??" Signs Your History Teacher is Incompetent Class motto: Locate a State Capital...do a shot. Thinks Mussolini was Hitler's favorite pasta. 8. You're pretty sure Ben Franklin didn't invent bungee jumping. Believes the mafia to be responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire. Allows you to cite Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman as a source in your Old West term paper. Thinks Prozac was responsible for bringing the nation out of the Great Depression. Focuses exclusively on how marshmallows changed history. Washington didn't defend the US against the British Invasion of the 1960's. Tells you that Columbo landed in America and discovered the pilgrims. Identifies Napoleon as the guy who figured out how to keep different flavors of ice cream from running together. | ||
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