The Jokester's Latest Joke: A Good Weigh

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Blind Date "That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend."   "I know, but I don't hold any grudges."   "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her."   "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double."   "Wow! Is that true?"   "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age."   A Good Weigh On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, "Get weighed."   So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses people's weight. He looked at Rose and said, "One hundred and twenty pounds." Since Rose weighed in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.   Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "Get weighed," she said. So they went back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Rose's weight correctly.   Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. "I want to get weighed!" she said again.   Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.   Rose's roommate was waiting up for her to return and asked how the ! evening went.   "Wousy!" Rose replied.   How To Lose That Extra Weight!   Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities, and the number of calories per hour they consume.     Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75   Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100   Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150   Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50   Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25   Throwing your weight around   (depending on your weight). . . .50-300   Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100   Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . 250   Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500   Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50   Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300   Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . 75   Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200   Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25   Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350   Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225   Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25   Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750   Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75   Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160   Wrapping it up at the day's end. . . . .12   Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50   Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300   Covering your tracks . . . . . . . . . 165   Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90   Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25   Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350   Counting eggs before they hatch. . . . . 6   Cracking a smile . . . . . . . . . . . .35   Calling it quits . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
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