Thursday, June 21, 2018

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Golfing one fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it slices into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.

"Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun, and I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him.

I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life." A few weeks later the Irishman is out golfing again. As he's walking to the 16th green, he hears a voice calling him from the woods. He walks over, and sees the leprechaun again. He asks how his head is feeling.

The leprechaun says, "Oh, I'm fine. And might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's funny you should ask, but it's been amazing. It seems I can't miss anymore!"

"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a twenty dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you too. And might I ask how your love life is?"

Now the golfer looks around, as if to be sure that no one else can hear, and says in a low voice, "Well, it's been okay."

"Just okay?" the leprechaun asks. "How often do you have sex?"

"Oh, maybe once or twice a week." Floored the leprechaun stammers,

"Only once or twice a week?"

The golfer replies, "Well, that's really quite a lot for a Catholic priest in a small parish.


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Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.

'You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?'

The client replied that he did.

Then lawyer then asked, 'Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?'

The client looked back and said, 'I imagine that our side will win.'


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Friday, June 15, 2018

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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My wife asked me why I don't play golf with Patrick anymore.

I asked her "would you continue to play with a guy who always gets drunk, loses so many balls other groups are always playing through, tells lousy jokes while you are trying to putt and generally offends everyone around him on the course?"

"Certainly not, dear" she replied.

"Well, neither would he."


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