Monday, September 30, 2013

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Tommy O’Shaughnessy’s Confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I’ve been with a loose woman."

The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O’Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, ’tis I."

"And who might be the woman you were with?"

"I shan’t be tellin’ you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I’m bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O’Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"

"I’ll never tell."

"Was it Lisa O’Shanter?"

"I’m sorry, but I’ll not name her."

"Was it Cathy O’Dell?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona Mallory, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy O’Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you’ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slidesover and whispers, "What’d you get?"

"Five more good leads!"


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Friday, September 27, 2013

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Hillary Rodham Clinton"

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodham Clinton?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better.


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Thursday, September 26, 2013

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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George Bush and Richard Cheney go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and asks Bush, "You ready to order?"

Bush replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your political life that your the president and I'm a waitress, I don't think that's a good idea. I'll come back when you're ready to order from the menu."

She walks away.

Cheney leans over to Bush and says, "It's pronounced 'Quiche.'"


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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Cartman Infiltrates the NSA, Tonight on the South Park Season Premiere!!

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