Monday, October 31, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Biblical Bumper Stickers

Adam: "You are what you eat."

Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother."

Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'."

Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water."

Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land."

Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Balaam: "My second donkey talks!"

Prodigal Son: "All roads lead to home."

At the Sinai desert: "Winding road next 40 years"

At the Red Sea: "Caution! Subject to sudden flooding"


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Friday, October 28, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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A man walks into a bar after a long ride on his horse. He walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. When he gets his beer, he starts eying this beautiful lady in the corner. Just as he turns back, a monkey runs up to the beer, dunks his balls in the beer, and runs off.

Agitated, the man says to the bartender, "I can't drink this now! Give me another beer!" So, the bartender brings him another beer. Before the man could do anything about it, the monkey ran back over, dunked his balls in the beer and ran off before the man could grab him.

Even more angry, the man says, "I can't drink this now. Bring me another beer!" He gets another beer and guards it with his life. The monkey sneaks up behind him, knocks the stool out from underneath the man, hops up onto the bar and dunks his balls in the beer. Now the man is thoroughly pissed. He grabs the bartender and says, "Man, I've had it. Who's stupid monkey is this anyway?"

The bartender replied, "It belongs to the piano player."

The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Excuse me, do you know your monkey is dunking his balls in my beer?"

To this the piano player replies, "No, I sure don't, but if you hum a few notes, I'll fake it."


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Thursday, October 27, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Dear Abby,

My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has been cheating our entire marriage.

He is a good provider, and he has many friends and supporters, but they all know he is a lying cheat. Every time he gets caught, he first denies it, but then he begs me to forgive him.

This has been going on for so long, and I don’t know what to do.

Please help me.
Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,

Why don’t you move to New York and run for the Senate?


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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Cartman Could Lose Everything TONIGHT

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