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| BIZARRE REAL LIFE ANIMAL LAWS In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia. Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts. In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours. In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday. In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th. Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces - the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation. Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures. In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to its rump. Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California. In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell. In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town's taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter. You can't blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic. In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be "crying." Weight Loss Tips || Funny T-Shirts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Friday, March 30, 2018
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Friday, March 23, 2018
Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating
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| Two girls are in a elevator. The elevator door opens and a good looking guy comes in. One girl is completely attracted to him and the other is also, but notices that he has dandruff. So the girls both smile at each other acknowledging to each other that they think he's fine. Then one of the girls turns to the other and says quietly "He needs 'Head & Shoulders'" The other girl says, "Yeah I know, but how do you give shoulders?" Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Thursday, March 22, 2018
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| A man walks into a railway station. He walks up to the ticket window and says "(sniff) Fird clad redurn to Nodingham pleade (sniff)". The ticket bloke says "You know what you need.. you need Tunes". "Why" says the man... "Will id cure Cereble Palsdsy"? Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! Weight Loss Plan || Crazy T-Shirts If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
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| It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it. At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please." The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume." "No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please." "Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away. "Thanks," he says, and leaves. An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please." "Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'. An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..." "I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?" "Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please." "Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?" Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid. "Tea time." Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! Weight Loss Plan || Crazy T-Shirts If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
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| A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are assholes." Another guy stands up and says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole." Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Friday, March 16, 2018
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| A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said."Not with gums like that." Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
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| Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johhny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating... "If I can't eat, I won't pay!" Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! Weight Loss Plan || Crazy T-Shirts If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
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| Nugent needed legal advice, so he walked into the office of Gregory, Ellis and Gregory. Nugent sat down at the desk of the senior member of the firm. 'If you're not really in bad trouble, I'll take the case,' said Gregory. 'If you're in a real jam and want to get out of it, my partner will handle it. If, on the other hand, you're not involved and want to get in trouble, my son, who just graduated from law school, will take it!' Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Monday, March 12, 2018
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| A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?!? There wasn't a plugged nickel in your checking account!!" "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!" Weight Loss Tips || Funny T-Shirts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Thursday, March 8, 2018
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| A really fat guy got out of the shower at the health club. A second man said, "Gee, you're fat!" The fat man said, "Yeah." The second man asked, "How long has it been since you've seen your dick?" The fat man answered, "Long time." The second man asked, "Why don't you diet?" The fat man replied, "Why? What color is it now?" Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
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| Rabbi Bloom was getting quite a reputation for his sermons. His synagogue was always packed because his congregation didn't want to miss a single one of his words. One Sabbath, one member had to go to another synagogue to attend a nephew's bar mitzvah. Because he didn't want to miss the sermon, he asked one of his non-Jewish friends to go in his place and tape the Rabbi's sermon. In that way, he could listen to it when he got back. When other members of the congregation saw what was going on, they too decided to ask their non-Jewish friends to go in their places to record the sermon. They could then do other things, such as play golf or go to a football game. Within a short time, there were 100 gentiles sitting in the synagogue recording the Rabbi's sermon. The Rabbi got wise to this. So the following Sabbath, he, too, asked a non-Jewish friend to attend on his behalf. His friend brought a tape recorder and played the Rabbi's pre-recorded sermon to the 100 non-Jews in the congregation who then recorded the sermon on their own machines. This is believed to be the first incidence in history of "artificial insermonation." Weight Loss Tips || Funny T-Shirts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Tuesday, March 6, 2018
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| A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" He explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well", explains the pilot, "it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken, because I am wearing panties!" The pilot taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast." Weight Loss Tips || Funny T-Shirts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Monday, March 5, 2018
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| One day the students of a primary school class had homework to start reading a fantasy book. "Well class, lets see what books you have been reading," the teacher says. "Alex, what book have you started to read?" "I have started to read Harry Potter," Alex proudly states. "Well done Alex, Henry, what book have you started to read?" The teacher asks. "I have started to read Doctor Who!" Henry confidently says. "That sounds interesting Henry, Johnny, what fantasy book have you started reading?" Johnny stands up with a big toothy grin and says, "The Bible!" Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Friday, March 2, 2018
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| Advice to Northerners Moving South... 1.) Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly. 2.) If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right. 3.) Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 4.) If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them-Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. 5.) Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. 6.) Whatever you do, make sure that you don't buy food at the movie store! 7.) You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself. 8.) Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. 9.) In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have Mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy". 10.) Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" 11.) In an effort to match their speech pattern, Southerners also walk slower. 12.) Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. 13.) The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Most Northerners begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. 14.) The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. 15.) As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember all southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle. 16.) If attending a funeral in the South, remember we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on, the tent is torn down and the empties are picked up. 17.) If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words either that he will ever say or, worse still, that you will ever hear! 18.) Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. 19.) If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. 20.) The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December. 21.) If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do. 22.) Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is to be positioned directly in front of your house. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed. 23.) In the South, tornadoes and divorces have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer. 24.) Florida is not considered a southern state since there are far more Yankees than Southerners living there. 25.) Be advised that in the South: "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
Thursday, March 1, 2018
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| An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here." "That’s amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his." Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! Weight Loss Plan || Crazy T-Shirts If you need to unsubscribe, click here |
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