The Jokester's Latest Joke: Straighten Up

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The Day the Penis asked for a Raise   I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely, P.  Niss   The Response:   Dear Penis: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.     The Top 10 Marketing Slogans for Viagra: 1. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper 2. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron 3. Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there every night 4. Viagra, Home of the whopper 5. Viagra, It plumps when you take 'em 6. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman 7. Viagra, Tastes great, more filling 8. Viagra, Ten inches long ... and growing. 9. Viagra, We work harder, so you don't have to. And the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:   10. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?     A Visit to the Gynecologist a middle aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.   "Come now,” coaxed the doctor," you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."   "This one's kind of strange......"   “Let me be the judge of that, “the doctor replied.   "Well, “she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and I heard a plink-plink in the toilet; when I looked down the water was full of pennies.”   “I see."   "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."   " Uh-huh"   "That night," she went on, " there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored, " I'm scared out of my wits!"   The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.........."   (Ready for this??????)         (I'm warning you.)         (Still not too late.)         "You're simply going through the change."
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