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| You Know You've Been Online Too Long When · You know you've been on line too long when · You start introducing yourself as "Jim @ oneonta.edu" · You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. · Your phone bill is delivered in a box. · All of your friends have an @ in their names. · You get a tattoo that says, "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0." · You never have to deal with the busy signals because you never log off. · You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile ;-) · Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install another phone line so that the two of you can chat. · Your computer goes down and you haven't logged in for two hours. You start to tremble. You pick up the phone and dial your Internet access number. You try to mimic computer noise in order to connect. You succeed! (From the User Group Forum, AOL) Computer Quips · Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking ? · My computer isn't that nervous... it's just a bit ANSI · If only women and kids only came with pull-down menus & online help · My computer's sick with a virus; I think my modem is a carrier · Honey, I Formatted the Kids · Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage · Justify my text ? I'm sorry, but it has no excuse · Finish your mail packet -- children are off-line in India · Never violate C:\ the Prime Directory · Multitasking is merely screwing up several things at once · If at first you don't succeed, call it beta version 0.91 · Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk · Bug ??? That's not a bug, that's an undocumented feature · Terminal glare: A look that kills · I'm not a Webmaster, but I play one on UseNet · ZMODEM: Big bits, Soft blocks, Tighter ASCII · Life would be so much easier if I had the source code · Mommy !!! The cursor's winking at me ! · Managing programmers is like herding cats · Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped ? · Capt'n !!! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse ! · C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT file · ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS · "Mr. Worf, scan that ship" "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI ?" · E=Mc^5... Nah E=Mc^4... Nah E=Mc^3... Oh, the hell with it · Today's subliminal message is: · Profanity is the universal programming language · Calm down -- it is only ones and zeros after all · Computer analyst to programmer: "Start coding, I'll go find out what they want Signs Your an Internet Geek When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?" Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail. You're amazed to find out spam is a food. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications". At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server". After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so "colon-right parentheses!" Two Words: "Pizza's Here!" | ||
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