Short Funny Jokes |
| Posted: 12 May 2009 01:27 AM PDT A boy twelve years old with an air of melancholy resignation, went to his teacher and handed in the following note from his mother before taking his seat: "Dear Sir: Please excuse James for not being present yesterday. "He played truant, but you needn't whip him for it, as the boy he played truant with and him fell out, and he licked James; and a man they threw stones at caught him and licked him; and the driver of a cart they hung onto licked him; and the owner of a cat they chased licked him. Then I licked him when he came home, after which his father licked him; and I had to give him another for being impudent to me for telling his father. So you need not lick him until next time. "He thinks he will attend regular in future."  |
| Really Funny Jokes - After Dinner Speeches Posted: 11 May 2009 10:01 AM PDT Mr. John C. Hackett recently told the following story: "I was up in Rockland County last summer, and there was a banquet given at a country hotel. All the farmers were there and all the village characters. I was asked to make a speech. "'Now,' said I, with the usual apologetic manner, 'it is not fair to you that the toastmaster should ask me to speak. I am notorious as the worst public speaker in the State of New York. My reputation extends from one end of the state to the other. I have no rival whatever, when it comes—' I was interrupted by a lanky, ill-clad individual, who had stuck too close to the beer pitcher. "'Gentlemen,' said he, 'I take 'ception to what this here man says. He ain't the worst public speaker in the state. I am. You all know it, an' I want it made a matter of record that I took 'ception.' "'Well, my friend,' said I, 'suppose we leave it to the guests. You sit down while I say my piece, and then I'll sit down and let you give a demonstration.' The fellow agreed and I went on. I hadn't gone far when he got up again. "''S all right,' said he, 'you win; needn't go no farther!'"  |
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