Monday, June 1, 2009

Its All Humor

Its All Humor
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Reversing

Posted: 31 May 2009 06:26 PM PDT

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.

They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

After waiting patiently for a few minutes, the little boy said loudly, "Wow,
She's fat!

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet...

A couple more minutes passed by and the little boy stretched his arms out as far
As they would go and announced; "I'll bet her bum is this wide!"

The fat woman turned around and glared at the little boy.

The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the queue.

Just then her pager began to emit a "beep, beep, beep"

The little boy yelled out, "Run for your f*****g life, she's reversing!!"

God Vs. Satan

Posted: 01 Jun 2009 07:02 AM PDT

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created Burger King, and Burger King brought forth the $3.20 double-Whopper, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them."

And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.

And Woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert.

And Woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained pounds, and his cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to work to change channels.

And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. He created sour cream dip also, and Man clutched his remote control, and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And Satan saw that and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery...

And Satan created private health insurance ....

Posted by Jokes at 1:06 PM

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