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| Interactive Sermon A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration??? Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!' That pretty much ended the service… Watch the Lawyer A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw an elderly priest at the side of the road. He stopped to give him a ride. Further down the road the truck driver saw a lawyer along the side of the road, and turned the truck on a direct course to hit him. Then he thought, "Wait, I have a priest in the truck. I can't run down that lawyer." So at the last second the truck driver swerved to miss him. Although he thought he hadn't hit the lawyer, the truck driver still heard a thump outside of the truck.. He looked in his mirror and saw the lawyer laying unconscious on the side of the road. Ashamed for what he had done, the truck driver turned to the priest and said "I'm so sorry Father, I really tried to miss that lawyer." The priest said, "Don't worry son, I got him with my door." Rome While on vacation in Rome , I noticed a marble column in St. Peter's with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for. The priest told me it was a direct line to heaven, and if I'd like to call, it would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined the offer. Throughout Italy, I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the same: It was a direct line to heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars. Then - I finished my tour in Israel. I decided to attend temple services at a local synagogue. When I walked in the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating: "DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN: 25 cents." "Rabbi," I said, "I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I visited, I've seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price is always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?" The rabbi smiled and said, "Young lady", you're in Israel now. It's a local call." A Little Gas While walking in the convent a priest passed one of the nuns and noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight, are we Sister Angela?" he asked. "No, Father," Sister Angela said, "It's just a little gas." A month or two later, the priest noticed that she had gained yet more weight. "Gaining some weight, are we Sister Angela?" asked the priest. "No, Father, just a little gas," she again replied. A couple of months later, the priest noticed Sister Angela pushing a baby carriage through the convent. Approaching her, he leaned over, looked in the carriage and said, "My, what a cute little fart!" | ||
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