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| REAL Warnings * On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you." * On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place." * On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving." * In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." * On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA." * On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: may cause drowsiness." * On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents." * On 500g packets of Sainsbury's peanuts: "Contains nuts." * Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is film inside." * On a bottle of flavored milk drink: "After opening, keep upright." * On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!" * On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures." * On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning: This spray is harmful to bees." * A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals." * On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly." Too Much Ex-Lax! John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired. "He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained. "Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily. "Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough!" "Actual Instructions on Labels" In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products: 1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. 2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. 3. On a Taiwanese shampoo – USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. 4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. 5. On a New Zealand insect spray – THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. 6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.) 7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD- GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET. 8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END. 9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL? 10. On a Sears’s hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. 11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!) 12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?) 13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!) 14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) 15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?) 16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?) 17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.) 18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING -CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?) | ||
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