The Jokester's Latest Joke: The Amish Phone Directory

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Critical Reading "The Human Brain" by Sara Bellum "Please Don't Hurt Me" by I. Bruce Easily "Life Through the Eyes of a Drunk" by Al Coholic "Thirty Yards to the Outhouse" by Will E. Makeit (illustrated by Betty Wont) "The Proper Use of Sunscreens" by Justin Casey Burns "How to Cure Scratching" by Ivan Awfulich "Discount Alternatives" by Robin Stuff "How to Save Time" by Terry A. While     Late for Class The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago. The professor was explaining an accounting method called First In Last Out, which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff. It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970's when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the 1930's at 20¢ a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.   One of the students put up his hand and said, "Excuse me, sir, but that doesn't sound very ethical to me."   To which the professor replied, "You're in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is down the hall."     Late for Class The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam.   ``No problem." said the Professor, ``Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then."   Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, ``Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam." They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, ``For 50% of the grade, which tire was flat?"     The World's Thinnest Books French War Heroes, by Jacques Chirac   How I served My Country, by Jane Fonda   My Personal Beauty Secrets, by Janet Reno   The Things I love About Bill, by Hillary Clinton   My Little Book of Personal Hygiene, by Osama Bin Laden   Things I Cannot Afford, by Bill Gates   Things I would Not do For Money, by Dennis Rodman   My Wild Years, by Al Gore   A Collection of My Motivational Speeches, by Dr. J. Kevorkian   Everything Men Know About Women   Everything Women Know About Men   All The men I have Loved, by Ellen de Generes   Guide to Dating Etiquette, by Mike Tyson   Spotted Owl Recipes, by the EPA   The Amish Phone Directory   My Plan to Find The Real Killers, by O.J. Simpson   A Book on Morals, by Bill Clinton with an introduction by Rev Jesse Jackson
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