Golf
On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship.
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get.
If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, "I'm a hooker."
"No problem," said her husband, "just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
Hookers
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
Blind Date
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
Swimmingly
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That’s all right, we'll learn about each other as well go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the high diving board, and did a two and a half tuck gainer, followed by a three rotations in a jackknife position, where he Straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
His new bride said, that was incredible! Where did you learn to dive like that?? To which he replied "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along."
A few minutes later she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
The shocked husband said, that was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?? "
NOPE" she replied, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal."
From Your Often Misguided Humorist and Joke Moderator, The Jokester {aka Dan the Man}: Jokester@TheJokester.net
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