The Jokester's Latest Joke: Post These On Your Wall (or Forehead)

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100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest! 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. A man can rule the world, but he can't fake an orgasm. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity Bills travel faster through the mail than checks Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends Condoms are easier to change than diapers. Either that, or keep yer knees together. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program Friends aren't priceless when they're using your VISA. Going to a mosque doesn't make you a Muslim any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic Half the people you know are below average. Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now. I think my voices could beat up your voices. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out It is easier to get forgiveness than permission It's a small world. But I wouldn't want to paint it. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious Opportunities always look bigger going than coming Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. Shhh. Don't interrupt me while I'm talking to myself. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world Sometimes I lay away at night and wonder: "Where have I gone wrong"? Then a little voice answers me: "This is going to take more than one night"! Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The reason so many women fake orgasm, is because so many men fake foreplay. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator Vuja de - the uncanny feeling you've never been here before. When making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing. When the going gets tough, the smart get lost.
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