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| Little Ray Every morning, Little Ray insisted that his mother pin a red bath towel to his t-shirt. Then, in his imagination, he became Superman, and filled his summer vacation with adventure and daring. When fall came, and Ray started kindergarten, the teacher asked his name. "I'm Superman," he answered. The teacher smiled and looked at Ray's mother. "Your real name, please." And again, Ray answered, "Superman." Realizing the situation required a little more authority, the teacher used her stern voice. "I must have your real name for my records." Ray looked around the room, leaned closer, and said in a hush, "Clark Kent!" Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? The Good Old Days Superman, Snow White and Quasi Moto were having lunch together. They were talking about the good old days. And they were wondering if they were still as good as they were when they were young. Snow White said "I still have that magic mirror in the back room. I wonder if it still works. Let’s go try it. So Snow White went first and five minutes later came out with a smile on her face. And said "The mirror still works" after I asked it if I was still the fairest of them all, it said, "Your still the fairest of them all." Then Superman went back. And five minutes later with a smile on his face and said "That mirror said that I'm still the strongest man on earth." So Quasi Moto went back to the mirror. Five minutes went by. Ten minutes by. Then Snow White and Superman began to wonder after fifteen minutes went by if something was wrong with Quasi Moto. They went and saw Quasi Moto hunched over and crying on the floor. And they asked him what the matter was? He looked up at them and said "Who is Dennis Rodman." What Was That? Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot. Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there. Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore." From the Top of the Empire State Building This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar. "This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him. "Oh, really?" the other replied. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar." "Why is that?" the first guy asks. "Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gogh, and this stool I'm sitting on was on the Titanic." "Gee, that's amazing!" says the first guy. "Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and you're pushed back up." "No way! That's impossible," the guy scoffs. "Not at all. Take a look," the other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "See? It's fun. You should try it," he says. "Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts. "It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out the window again. He drops 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh -- he comes right back up and sails back through the window. "Give it a try. It's a blast," he says. "Well, what the heck, I'll give it a try," the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the window. He falls 10... 20... 30... 40... 50...60...70...80...90... 100 feet and splat -- he ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk.
The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk." | ||
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