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| What NOT To Say to Parents When Picking Up a Date. · "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore." · "Show me how you used to spank her." · "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter." · "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?" · "I just got my license today." · "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature." · "Five bucks says she's a D-cup." · "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?" · "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'" · "So, does your wife just lie there during sex too? Things Not to Say on a Date · "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired." · "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin." · "I used to come here all the time with my ex." · "I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it." · "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour." · "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be, I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look." · "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask." · "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am." Relaxed Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a prescription for the Pill." "I don't think you need the Pill at your age." "It relaxes me." "But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing," exclaimed the physician. "I know," said Mrs. Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed. Long live Bachelors Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" --Anonymous We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. My wife was in beauty salon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. --Anonymous She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. --Anonymous She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous Bad Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs....." --Anonymous If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!” | ||
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