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| Signs You Might Be Out of Shape All of your neighbors comment on your new tent whenever you hang your shirt out on the line. As you lay panting and gasping for breath, you curse whoever came up with the ideas of curbs. It's the third day in a row you've bitten your chin thinking it was part of your Hoagie sandwich. The rest of your body is still moving after you sit down. Weighing yourself requires a periscope. Your kids invites the other kids in the neighborhood to a "Godzilla Live"-how which solely consists of you trying to get into your car in the morning. Ingrown navel. Round Peg : Square hole :: You : The door. You've earned the nickname "Goldilocks" for breaking so many chairs. You've been selected by your local NFL team to paint your body and stand with your shirt off in front of the camera at the games. Fitness Class Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises." The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied. Some Thoughts on Exercise My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where she is! I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. Importance Of Walking Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old. and we haven't a clue where the hell he is. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound... apparently you have to actually go there. Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.' If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill was enough. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our skulls. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine. | ||
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