The Jokester's Latest Joke: Why Men Can't Win

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If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. If you stay at home and do the housework, you are a pansy.   If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.   If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better.   If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.   If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.   If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don't, you are insensitive.   If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without you, she's a liberated woman.   If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.   If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert. If you don't, you are gay.   If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist. If you don't, you are unromantic.   If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain. If you don't, you are a slob.   If you buy her flowers, you are after something. If you don't, you are not thoughtful.   If you are proud of your achievements, you are full of yourself. If you don't, you are not ambitious.   If she has a headache, she is tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.   If you want it too often, you are oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.     Never do housework.   No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?   You shut the door. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse. Never let your man's mind wander - it’s too little to be left out alone. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night". Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his. If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing. When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."
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