Short Funny Jokes |
| Posted: 04 Sep 2009 02:53 AM PDT A dumpy little woman with solemn eyes, holding by the hand two dumpy little boys, came to the box-office of a theater. Handing in a quarter, she asked meekly for the best seat she could get for that money. "Those boys must have tickets if you take them in," said the clerk. "Oh, no, mister," she said. "I never pay for them. I never can spare more than a quarter, and I just love a show. We won't cheat you any, mister, for they both go sound asleep just as soon as they get into a seat, and don't see a single bit of it." The argument convinced the ticket man, and he allowed the two children to pass in. Toward the end of the second act an usher came out of the auditorium and handed a twenty-five-cent piece to the ticket-seller. "What's this?" demanded the latter. "I don't know," said the usher. "A little chunk of a woman beckoned me clear across the house, and said one of her kids had waked up and was looking at the show, and that I should bring you that quarter."  |
| Posted: 04 Sep 2009 02:50 AM PDT The stranger laid down four aces and scooped in the pot. "This game ain't on the level," protested Sagebush Sam, at the same time producing a gun to lend force to his accusation. "That ain't the hand I dealt ye!"  |
| Posted: 04 Sep 2009 02:48 AM PDT "How is it, Mr. Brown," said a miller to a farmer, "that when I came to measure those ten barrels of apples I bought from you, I found them nearly two barrels short?" "Singular, very singular; for I sent them to you in ten of your own flour-barrels." "Ahem! Did, eh?" said the miller. "Well, perhaps I made a mistake. Let's imbibe."  |
| Posted: 04 Sep 2009 02:46 AM PDT Honesty Jokes Ex-District Attorney Jerome, at a dinner in New York, told a story about honesty. "There was a man," he said, "who applied for a position in a dry-goods house. His appearance wasn't prepossessing, and references were demanded. After some hesitation, he gave the name of a driver in the firm's employ. This driver, he thought, would vouch for him. A clerk sought out the driver, and asked him if the applicant was honest. 'Honest?' the driver said. 'Why, his honesty's been proved again and again. To my certain knowledge he's been arrested nine times for stealing and every time he was acquitted.'"  |
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