There's a new post on The Panic Button!

Posted: 07 Sep 2009 04:04 PM PDT

Usually when I make a title like that, it has nothing to do with the post. Let’s switch it up a little! The spongecake I’m talking about is called a Twinkie.

For some reason I often find myself talking about food here. No, I’m not an obese, and I’m not a compulsive eating maniac. I’m actually pretty average when it comes to weight (check out my soccer videos). Anyway, imagine the Twinkie in all of it’s excellence. It’s outer layer is made up of soft sweet bread, and the inside is primarily a synthetic cream. A few days ago I was turned on by a single magnificent concept while watching TV. You guessed it, deep frying. Deep frying food is like adding a bonus to whatever you’re eating I asked my mom if she had ever deep fried anything. To my amazement she pulled out a fryer from the depths of our kitchen cabinets. So I have these two great things. A twinkie and a deep fryer. Why not combine them and make deep fried twinkies. So off I went to buy eight twinkies at the nearest gas station. Today we decided to make them. It was a complete success, and I can’t wait to eat them for dessert tonight.

I don’t care if you don’t like fatty sweets, or if you don’t like oily calories. No one can resist the deep fried Twinkie. It is the best dessert I have ever had. When the deep fried twinkie was first introduced, New York Times wrote this about it: “Something magical occurs when the pastry hits the hot oil. The creamy white vegetable shortening filling liquefies, impregnating the sponge cake with its luscious vanilla flavor… The cake itself softens and warms, nearly melting, contrasting with the crisp, deep-fried crust in a buttery and suave way.”

AWESOME.

Posted in Funny

Back From Wherever I Went!

Posted: 07 Sep 2009 10:13 AM PDT

Hey everyone, I’m back from wherever I went!
Cue high pitched screams
On the drive home from wherever I went, Grant and I had a random text battle. The goal was to send random text messages to each other. Each text getting progressively more crazy.

Grant: Did you give the people on the street twinkies?

Sam: Don’t buy the bald seal unless you want a large goatee of primarily soy based products!

Grant: The fat is causing amnesia!

Sam: The occurance is disclosed amongst the coppered skin of the wind. The earth is nothing more than a moth on a happily grazing twinkie, twice the size.

Grant: Eat chiken! The cows say so!

Sam: No, that would be impossible to predict due to the sheer beat of the mic, despite the reality of the situation. Where does the wax fit in, u ask? Ill let you be the judge of that.

Grant: Well, dinosaur mustaches can only be combined thrice a year on the dwarf planet Makemake.

Sam: The smooth whistling noise you hear is not being caused by your grandmas cassarole, you say? Thats not illogical when you think about it with a switch rope.

Grant: But too many fireworks caused by the Russians will cause a decrease in the amounts of high fructose corn syrups in breakfast cereals!

Sam: Revenge is best served as a cold dish, if you arent as drunk as steve when jennie told us the story of the mongoose chasing the junjun plant.

Grant: Are you sure the equator didn’t implode after the constant swine pilots becoming airborn?

Sam: Cover me when i sleep or you’ll shock the monkey. We dont want that happening, remember what happened last time? You obviously have no reasonable outcome.

Grant: The wax comes in handy after the earth implodes, before we move to Makemake, we stick popsicle sticks into the wax making the earth burn up.

Sam: Wise cracking, are you? Well lets see who poops last when our two dancing walruses go head to head in a freak brocoli death match.

Grant: What about the barrell of rare sardines in the side yard. That’s a whole new perspective!

Sam: Can you truly not feel it coming in the air? The aroma is so revolutionary that even the vietnam war heros want a piece of the pie. One silly cabbage you are.

Grant: But alas as the polar ice caps are multiplying, China can ship people there to live with the penguins, which gets rid of the one child policy.

Sam: I was never informed about your recent good old fashion casino romance novel you hide from even your gerbil. Thats not a healthy habit to hold with you.

Grant: But sharing is caring, my dear friend.

Sam: Your lip tumor is growing ever so slightly now, you may want to rub mangoes on that before the dentist finds 5 more cronicles of the same brand.

Grant: But the celery with jelly prefers rock band over guitar hero while landing a free trip to Paraguay!

Sam: Dont mess with my grandma, the money spent will screw your face up so bad. You are unaware of the danger in eating fire which frightens me more and more.

Grant: I succeeded in the fact of my night light’s battery, it lasts much longer now. That will certainly help when it comes to dancing time.

Sam: OBJECTION! I find the plaintiff guilty for 2 counts of broken back and one count of mountain! HE DIED 2 YEARS AGO, DONT TALK ABOUT HIM!

Grant: It wasn’t about a gerbil. ‘Twas about Edward Cullen, that beast!

Sam: So remind me again why the candle stick maker only comes when the toothpaste runs out. I’ve been recording this strange happening for a few apples now.

Grant: But the wart on my wart is shrinking, and you know what the pudding makers say about that!

Sam: Look! 5 different kinds of mellons resting on my shoulder! This wasnt supposed to happen, why is it running toward me? 12 kool aid men does a joke not make.

Grant: The golden banana will come again someday, Adam. I promise.

Sam: Bob barker was dead at ten that night. I will admit, he was one savage beast when it came to culting the nations monster mobile brands. When wil they stop?

Grant: BUT IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS THE CARRIER PIDGEON!

Sam: Thy shall obey the acts of jimmy silkman when in the course of cobras ship of stars.

Grant: Oh no! The space bar key of time was stuck, and all the people of the world became a compact SUV!

Sam: The eleventh commandment disregards the use of playing cards during flight. BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELTS, the tide is rolling smelty on todays night.

Grant: But that was a grape, not a toenail! How could you think such a thing about Bob Barker?

Sam: Of course the song you are thinking of is Monux Mids by Bosom Feloss (the jamaican jazz band from new mexico). May Bob Marley rest in peace.

Grant: When Conan O’Brian tells them that he really is Bob Saget.

Sam: Stand up son and believe in the sound of soothing childrens voices amongst the shivering chicklets.

Grant: But what if they are bitten by Mozart? It is truly tangy.

Sam: Sean Kingston can see to it that your so called orange juice will be well fortified within seven walls of happiness.

Grant: We should really attend the funeral, we’d bring the orange juice, of course.

And that’s how it went for about an hour. The winner of the 500,000 dollar picture contest is…

Josie!

Congratulations Josie! You’re now on our blogroll. You will remain there for two weeks. Don’t you love having no school on a weekday? I have added a link to the game on the sidebar! It’s under links.

I’m in the mood for some Peter Gabriel? What? You don’t know who Peter Gabriel is?

You gotta love the oldies. Today also feels like a Beatles day, doesn’t it?

COME TOGETHA!! I went to Pizza Ranch yesterday. I love the concept of unlimited pizza and fried chicken. Genius! But what’s with the whole cowboy thing? They didn’t have pizza back in Old Western times, did they?