Short Funny Jokes |
| Posted: 03 Oct 2009 10:57 AM PDT A certain Congressman had disastrous experience in goldmine speculations. One day a number of colleagues were discussing the subject of his speculation, when one of them said to this Western member: "Old chap, as an expert, give us a definition of the term, 'bonanza.'" "A 'bonanza,'" replied the Western man with emphasis, "is a hole in the ground owned by a champion liar!"  |
| Posted: 03 Oct 2009 10:55 AM PDT Two men were boasting about their rich kin. Said one: "My father has a big farm in Connecticut. It is so big that when he goes to the barn on Monday morning to milk the cows he kisses us all good-by, and he doesn't get back till the following Saturday." "Why does it take him so long?" the other man asked. "Because the barn is so far away from the house." "Well, that may be a pretty big farm, but compared to my father's farm in Pennsylvania your father's farm ain't no bigger than a city lot!" "Why, how big is your father's farm?" "Well, it's so big that my father sends young married couples out to the barn to milk the cows, and the milk is brought back by their grandchildren."  |
| Posted: 03 Oct 2009 10:54 AM PDT WILLIE—"All the stores closed on the day my uncle died." TOMMY—"That's nothing. All the banks closed for three weeks the day after my pa left town."  |
| Posted: 03 Oct 2009 10:52 AM PDT Maybe the man who boasts that he doesn't owe a dollar in the world couldn't if he tried. "What sort of chap is he?" "Well, after a beggar has touched him for a dime he'll tell you he 'gave a little dinner to an acquaintance of his.'"  |
| Posted: 03 Oct 2009 10:50 AM PDT A good Samaritan, passing an apartment house in the small hours of the morning, noticed a man leaning limply against the doorway. "What's the matter?" he asked, "Drunk?" "Yep." "Do you live in this house?" "Yep." "Do you want me to help you upstairs?" "Yep." With much difficulty he half dragged, half carried the drooping figure up the stairway to the second floor. "What floor do you live on?" he asked. "Is this it?" "Yep." Rather than face an irate wife who might, perhaps, take him for a companion more at fault than her spouse, he opened the first door he came to and pushed the limp figure in. The good Samaritan groped his way downstairs again. As he was passing through the vestibule he was able to make out the dim outlines of another man, apparently in worse condition than the first one. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you drunk, too?" "Yep," was the feeble reply. "Do you live in this house, too?" "Yep." "Shall I help you upstairs?" "Yep." The good Samaritan pushed, pulled, and carried him to the second floor, where this man also said he lived. He opened the same door and pushed him in. As he reached the front door he discerned the shadow of a third man, evidently worse off than either of the other two. He was about to approach him when the object of his solicitude lurched out into the street and threw himself into the arms of a passing policeman. "For Heaven's sake, off'cer," he gasped, "protect me from that man. He's done nothin' all night long but carry me upstairs 'n throw me down th' elevator shaf."  |
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