Monday, December 14, 2009

The Jokester's Latest Joke: Stupid Is As Stupid Does


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Forest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.


Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."


Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here St. Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Sure hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."


St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest. But the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God's first name?"


Forest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam questions.


St. Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."


Forest says, "Well, the first one, how many days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow!"


The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forest! That's not what I was thinking, but do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer."


"How about the next one," says St. Peter, "How many seconds in a year?"


"Now that one's harder," says Forest. "But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."


Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve! Twelve! Forest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"


Forest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second....."


"Hold it," interrupts St., Peter. "I see where you're going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that one too."


"Let's go on with the next and final question," says St. Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"


Forest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name. Everbody probly knows it. It's Howard."


"Howard?" asks St. Peter. "What makes you think it's 'Howard'?"


Forest answers, "It's in the prayer."


"The prayer?" asks St. Peter, "Which prayer?"


"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forest: "Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...."




Forest Gump Quotes:

·         My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

·         Hello. My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump. You want a chocolate?

·         Stupid is as stupid does.

·         Mama always said, dying was a part of life.

·         And cause I was a gazillionaire, and I liked doin it so much, I cut that grass for free.

·         That's all I have to say about that.

·         My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.

·         I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both.

·         Mrs. Gump: What's normal anyways?


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