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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Basic Finance and Investment on July 23 and 30, 2011 at AIM Conference Center, Makati City
Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating
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| A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers. The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you." Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! |
Monday, May 30, 2011
Its All Humor
Its All Humor |
| Posted: 30 May 2011 11:30 AM PDT The Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing an English rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Springbok rugby jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the blue semiconscious English fan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there was some bitter hatred between South African and English rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "who was that?" "It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom." "Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another Pommie?"  |
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| Three old men are about to play their regular match when the starter asks if they mind that a lady joins them to make up a foursome. When they see the stunning beautiful 18 year old blonde they all agree that she would make a great 4th. Her standard of golf does not match her looks and after playing 17 bad holes she gets to the 18th and has a 20 foot put for a par. "I would do anything in the world to get a par" she tells the three men. All three obviously have the same thing in mind. The first man says "hold your hands tight together and aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole" The second man says "No, no, aim just inside the left edge and hit it firm, make sure you do not leave it short" The 3rd gentleman walks around the green surveying the hole from every angle and say's "Ah, its a gimmie." On-line Dating || Funny T-Shirts |
Sunday, May 29, 2011
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Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
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| After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation." Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! |
Thursday, May 26, 2011
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| Posted: 25 May 2011 10:00 PM PDT A maid asked for a raise working at Mr.Stevens, she(the wife) was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay raise? Mary: "Well, ma'am, there are three reasons why I want a raise. The first is that i iron better than you. " Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: 'Your husband said. " Wife: "Oh." Mary: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you. Wife: "Nonsense, who said that if it is a better cook than me?" Maria: 'Your husband did. " Wife: "Oh. Mary: "The third reason is that I'm better at sex than in bed. Wife: (very angry now) Ah! My husband says so? ' Maria: 'No Mam ... your driver said. " Wife: "Ok Ok, how much do you want?" This is an old joke and you might have read it but still its a very funny joke.  |
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| A Mans version of the Garden of Eden Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman". God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give "love" and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! |
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
South Park: Cartman Introduces the Crack Baby Athletic Association Tonight @ 10p/9c
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| Two five year olds are standing at the toilet to pee. One says to the other, "Whoa! Whats up with your ding-dong?" "I've been circumcised," says the boy. "They cut the skin off the end when I was two day old." "Did it hurt?" asks the first. "You bet it hurt!" replies the second. "I didn't walk for a year!" On-line Dating || Funny T-Shirts |
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
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Its All Humor
Its All Humor |
| Types of Computer Viruses in Real World Posted: 24 May 2011 01:00 AM PDT Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened. Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system. Warren Commission virus:Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog! Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car. New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Nike virus: Just Does It! Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen. Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:. Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus." PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money. Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network. David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white. Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". Perhaps we should report these viruses to Symantec for fix :)  |
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| A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table." Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts! |
Monday, May 23, 2011
Basic in Finance Investment on July 23 & 30, 2011 at AIM Conference Center, Makati City
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| Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their holidays. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, we went to Iowa." Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Outrageous T-Shirts! |
Sunday, May 22, 2011
£750,000.00 GBP was given to you In The British P.O 2011 Offer
Name:.............
Country:............
Tel..............
Int’l Mini-MBA at Makati Shangri-La, Makati City on July 09 - August 27, 2011
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