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Showing his friend around his his home, Jennings pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "Well," his friend replies, "since you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, you'll never be able to sell!" "And that's where you're wrong," the man smiled. "If I sell it, my wife would kill me!" Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts! Weight Loss Plan  ||  Crazy T-Shirts Jokes for your Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating. Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to! Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly! 15 Newest Jokes @FunnyJokeRating on Twitter

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also do a gram of Cocaine a day, a case of whiskey a week, eat junk food and never exercise." "That's amazing," said the woman. "How old are you?" "Twenty-nine," he said. Handmade Wood Gifts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program Jokes for Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating. Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to! Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly! 15 Newest Jokes @FunnyJokeRating on Twitter

Jody and Sara live in the swamps of Louisiana. One day Sara came up missing. It took three days for all of the locals and the sheriff to find Sara. The sheriff says to Jody, "I have bad news and I have good news about Sara." "What is the bad news", asks Jody? "We found Sara face down in the swamp, she's dead." "Well what kind of good news can there be", ask Jody? The Sheriff responded, "We got 24 blue crab off her, we decided to leave for another 3 days and run her again." Handmade Wood Gifts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program Jokes for Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating. Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to! Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly! 15 Newest Jokes @FunnyJokeRating on Twitter

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter came out to meet them and asked, "What would you like to hear your relatives and friends say at your funeral?" The first man answered, "I am a renowned doctor, and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving people's lives and giving them a second chance." The second man replied, "I am a family man and a school teacher. I would like to hear someone say what a great husband and father I was and that I made a difference in some young people's lives." The third man replied, "Wow guys, those are all really great things, but I guess if I had the chance I would rather hear someone say, 'Look! He's moving!'" Weight Loss Tips  ||  Funny T-Shirts Handcrafted Wood Pens Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts! Put Jokes on your Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating. Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to! Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly! 15 Newest Jokes @FunnyJokeRating on Twitter

Three sisters ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs "was I getting in or out of the bath?". The 94 year old yells back "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells "was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." Handcrafted Wood Gifts  ||  Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts! Weight Loss Plan  ||  Crazy T-Shirts Jokes for your Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Kenny plays Magic: The Gathering Tonight on an All-New South Park!

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"Cock Magic" Premieres Tonight! There are illegal goings-on in the basement of City Wok in the all-new episode, "Cock Magic" TONIGHT at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT on Comedy Central. Grounded Vindaloop Live Tweet Join us for "Grounded Vindaloop" Live Tweet TONIGHT! We'll share tons of never-before-seen art, details and behind the scenes goodies. Oh no no no no, don't miss it, my friend. Season 17 on Blu-ray & DVD All ten episodes from the seventeenth season are now available in this exclusive two-disc set that features mini-commentaries by series creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, never-before-seen deleted scenes and #SocialCommentary on all of the episodes. South Park Pinball It's South Park, pinball style! Let your balls fly with two epic new pinball games - "South Park: Super Sweet Pinball" and "South Park: Butters' Very Own Pinball Game" - now available worldwide! Privacy Policy | Unsubscribe Comedy Central | 345 Hudson | New York, New York 10014 Copyright 1995 - 2014 Comedy central