Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Biblical Bumper Stickers Adam: "You are what you eat." Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother." Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'." Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water." Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land." Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Balaam: "My second donkey talks!" Prodigal Son: "All roads lead to home." At the Sinai desert: "Winding road next 40 years" At the Red Sea: "Caution! Subject to sudden flooding" Weight Loss Tips  ||  Funny T-Shirts Handcrafted Wood Pens Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts! Put Jokes on your Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating. Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to! Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly! 15 Newest Jokes @FunnyJokeRating on Twitter

A man walks into a bar after a long ride on his horse. He walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. When he gets his beer, he starts eying this beautiful lady in the corner. Just as he turns back, a monkey runs up to the beer, dunks his balls in the beer, and runs off. Agitated, the man says to the bartender, "I can't drink this now! Give me another beer!" So, the bartender brings him another beer. Before the man could do anything about it, the monkey ran back over, dunked his balls in the beer and ran off before the man could grab him. Even more angry, the man says, "I can't drink this now. Bring me another beer!" He gets another beer and guards it with his life. The monkey sneaks up behind him, knocks the stool out from underneath the man, hops up onto the bar and dunks his balls in the beer. Now the man is thoroughly pissed. He grabs the bartender and says, "Man, I've had it. Who's stupid monkey is this anyway?" The bartender replied, "It belongs to the piano player." The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Excuse me, do you know your monkey is dunking his balls in my beer?" To this the piano player replies, "No, I sure don't, but if you hum a few notes, I'll fake it." Weight Loss Tips  ||  Funny T-Shirts Handcrafted Wood Pens Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Insane T-Shirts! Put Jokes on your Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

This Joke of the Day is sent to you by Funny Joke Rating. Forward it to your friends so they can laugh to! Check out our newest jokes - new jokes are added constantly! 15 Newest Jokes @FunnyJokeRating on Twitter

Dear Abby, My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has been cheating our entire marriage. He is a good provider, and he has many friends and supporters, but they all know he is a lying cheat. Every time he gets caught, he first denies it, but then he begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, and I don’t know what to do. Please help me. Frustrated. Dear Frustrated, Why don’t you move to New York and run for the Senate? Handmade Wood Gifts Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid  ||  Outrageous T-Shirts! Funny T-Shirts || Weight Loss Program Jokes for Websites If you need to unsubscribe, click here

Cartman Could Lose Everything TONIGHT

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"Fort Collins" Premieres Tonight! An entire city in Colorado gets hacked. Gerald and Cartman may lose everything when their complete history of internet activity becomes public. It's part of an all-new "South Park" titled "Fort Collins" premiering TONIGHT at 10p/9c on Comedy Central. South Park Season 20 Loot Crate South Park fans! We've partnered with Loot Crate to bring you this exclusive special edition crate to celebrate the 20th season! It's packed with 8 mystery items you can't find anywhere else. Order yours now, before they're gone! South Park: The Fractured But Whole Check out this exclusive behind-the-scenes article about South Park: The Fractured But Whole in the most recent Game Informer. The Official South Park App Download our all-new Official South Park app which features 100's of quotes from your favorite characters, clips from the series and exclusive behind the scenes info. Now with exclusive ringtones and stickers on iOS devices. Live Tweet Tonight Join us for the "Douche and a Danish" Live Tweet TONIGHT! We'll share tons of never-before-seen art and behind the scenes goodies at 9:30p ET on Comedy Central, followed by the all-new episode "Fort Collins" at 10/9c. South Park .gifs South Park and GIPHY have teamed up to launch the most comprehensive collection of South Park content ever put together in GIF form, featuring thousands of South Park moments, tagged and organized by season, episode, character, reaction, catchphrase and whatever else you can think of. Rabble. Rabble. Rabble. Whether it be war, Terrance and Phillip, or the right for old people to drive; there's always something to protest in South Park. Privacy Policy | Unsubscribe Comedy Central | 345 Hudson | New York, New York 10014 Copyright 1995 - 2016 Comedy Central