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| New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point: Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Read less. Makes you think. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. Spend more time at work. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. Get in a whole NEW rut! Personal goal: Bring back disco. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Get further in debt. Break at least one traffic law. Associate with even worse business clients. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them. Wait around for opportunity. Focus on the faults of others. Mope about my faults. Never make New Year's resolutions again. So True The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number. Think about this ... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!) Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead. | ||
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