Friday, December 30, 2016

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A lady is looking to spice up her marriage, so she buys a pair of crotchless panties. She puts them on and waits on the bed for her husband to come home.

Her husband walks into the room, and she says "Hey baby want some of this?"

He says, "hell no, look what it did to your panties!"


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Thursday, December 29, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Two guys in an office talking at the water cooler and the subject of death comes up.

"When its my time, I wanna go in bed with a beautiful woman," says the first guy.

The other guy shakes his head. "Not me, I want go in my sleep like my grandfather."

He finishes. "Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car."


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Friday, December 23, 2016

O Swonkie Está a Recrutar Bloggers a Full Time

Olá Blogger :)

Sempre sonhaste ser blogger a tempo inteiro? Estás a um passo de realizar o teu sonho!

Queremos que te juntes à equipa Swonkie.

Queres saber mais sobre esta oportunidade? Basta clicares no botão abaixo ;)
Quero Saber Mais
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Monday, December 19, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Little Johnny had a gambling problem. He'd bet on anything. One day, Johnny's father consulted his teacher.

The teacher said, "Sir, I think I know how to teach little Johnny a real lesson. We'll trap him into a big wager that he'll lose."

Johnny's father agreed to cooperate with the plan.

The next day at school, the teacher watched Johnny making wagers with the other children, and she said, "Johnny, I want you to remain after class."

When all the other children left the classroom, Johnny walked up to the teacher and, before she could say anything, told her, "Don't say it. I know what you're going to say, but you're a liar!!"

"Johnny!" the startled teacher said, "What are you talking about?!?"

"You're a fake!" Johnny continued, "How can I believe anything you tell me? You've got this blond hair on top, but I've seen your bush and it's pitch black!!"

Trying to keep her composure and stay cool, the teacher said, "Johnny, that isn't true."

"I'll bet a dollar that your bush is black as night!" Johnny challenged.

The teacher saw her chance to teach Johnny a lesson. "Make it twenty dollars and you have a bet," she said.

"You're on!" Johnny whipped out a twenty dollar bill.

Before anyone could come into the room, the teacher quickly pulled up her dress, dropped her panties, spread her legs, and showed Johnny that her pubic hair was as blond as the hair on her head.

Johnny hung his head in defeat. "You win," he said, handing her the twenty dollar bill.

The teacher could hardly wait for Johnny to leave so she could call his father back. She reported to him what had happened. "Sir," she said, "I think we've finally taught him a lesson."

"The hell we have," the father muttered. "This morning, Johnny bet me fifty dollars that he'd get to see your cunt before the day was over."


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Friday, December 16, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."


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Thursday, December 15, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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A Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby"

She turns to her husband and says... "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself"

He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."


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Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Mr. Cikoch was a biology instructor at a snobby suburban girl's junior college. During class one day he asked his student, "Miss Simison, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr. Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.

Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."


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Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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Kids Thoughts on Marriage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10


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Monday, December 12, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened.

"Is the housewife in?" he asked.

The servant replied: "Just a moment." The wife comes out:

Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years.

Husband: Guess what? I am rich.

Wife: How?

Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to the high demand, I got rich fast.

Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa, making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed...I got REAL rich.


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Friday, December 9, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael. He's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."


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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

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A blonde gets an oppurtunity to fly to a distant country.

She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting
'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'.

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise.

Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts 'BE SILENT!'.

There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.

She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment and all of a sudden started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!! OE...'.


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Wednesday, December 7, 2016

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